Monday, 6 August 2012
Moments of Doubt
It's easy to sit on the other side of the keyboard writing about all of the benefits of working from home and being self employed (fully reliant on the providence of God) but the truth is, sometimes it's not all about asking and receiving. Sometimes you feel like cursing the fig tree.
In reality, I spend a good chunk of time doubting. Now, I have experienced too much of God's miraculous provision to doubt that He will come through. But I have to admit that sometimes it is pretty hard to wait for the 11th hour....and 59th minute. Especially since sometimes He comes through at 12:01.
I find it funny that even after all this time, I still have moments of insecurity, but just goes to show, that even if you have been on the same ride hundreds of times, there can be still parts of the ride that make you nervous.
I have to admit that right now is one of those times. I am confident that things will fall into place, but I would be dishonest if I didn't mention the fact that at this moment in my life, I sometimes find myself wondering what the heck God is doing!
Today was not a good day, for reasons that I am not going to get into. However, it is enough to say that today was an emotional roller coaster.
There are times in a person's life when they find out that perhaps they are carrying more baggage than they realize. Today was one of those days for me. The thing that scares me the most is the realization that there is a small part of me that wants to stay angry and broken.
What I really need to do is work on putting the baggage down at the foot of the cross. My problem is, I think I want to carry both my baggage and my cross. Or perhaps it's that I want to carry my baggage instead if it.